OK, just so we're clear. The refrain of the track is "Hey Horseteeth Girl, I want to make you make horsey noises..."! So basically, Venetian Snares can do whatever he wants with this and it's the best song I've heard all year. True story: I joined an online dating site and my roommate and I have opposite girl taste—he likes these roundfaced roly-poly girls and I like long faced (as he calls them) "ponies." So this song is basically my anthem. I love me a horseteeth girl.
Sonically, the title track is what you'd expect from the V.S.—woozy, detuned synths, kitchen-sink percussion and the sort of charismatic creepiness you expect from a game show host on mescaline. The hardcore breaks of Detrimentalist are still buried in there, but they've become a badge of snark, not badassness. The unimpeachably titled "Horsey Vag Island," meanwhile, is a trip through circus glitch and d&b, with lost-child vocal samples, rubbery arpeggio-clash gymnastics and all the drums in the whole loop folder at once. I mean, don't get me wrong, this record is effing unlistenable. But the song titles! Onward.
"Pig Dync" probably gets the closest to conventional listenability, with a searching filtered keyboard and a four-to-the-floor tempo. But lest you thought this was something normal, V.S.'s Aaron Funk starts making a pig-snort sound over Aphex-style scatterdrums. If you haven't quit by now, you're onboard for life. We finish up with remix "Horsey Noisers," a slower, more 8-bit ghostly version of the eponymous cut, snares and kicks turned up to 11, with a funny little vocoder vacation in the middle. The "Horseteeth Girl" part keeps getting looped with a new vocal treatment each time. The gimmick wears thin, but the lols kind of sustain it. I mean, it is only a four-tracker, right? And we end with a sample that goes "I've made you a drawing of a giraffe fucking an elephant. Notice how his mustache looks just like mine"? You bet.
Published /
Thu, 30 Jul 2009
Buy Venetian Snares - Horsey Noises at
  
Tracklist: Venetian Snares - Horsey Noises
 A1 Horsey Noises
A2 Horsey Vag Island
B1 Pig Dync
B2 Horsey Noisers | 
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